Have you been accused of raping someone?
Have you been accused of being a thief?
Do like to take money from the ignorant?
Do you lie often?
Do you like being a bully?
Do you like making fun of disabled people?
Do you wear a tie so long that it covers your private parts? Probably for not letting people see how small it is.
Do you cheat on your wife or girlfriend?
Do you avoid going to serve our country?
Do you like strong men as leaders?
Do you think about having sex with your daughter?
If you answered yes to at least five of the above, you qualify to run as a Republican.