The Test I Wasn’t Given
I went for my physical.
Blood pressure.
Weight.
Pulse.
The usual old-man inspection.
Nobody asked me to draw a clock.
Nobody asked me to remember five words.
Nobody asked me to identify a lion, a camel, or a rhinoceros.
The nurse just looked at me and said,
“That was the fastest and most accurate I’ve seen for someone your age.”
So naturally I was disappointed.
How am I supposed to prove I am a stable genius if nobody gives me the dementia screening?
Trump, on the other hand, has turned the cognitive test into an Olympic event. He talks about it like he split the atom. The reports say he has repeatedly bragged about taking and acing cognitive assessments, and one medical fact-check noted that this kind of test is meant to screen for impairment, not measure “extreme intelligence.”
That is like bragging that the fire alarm did not go off when you made toast.
Congratulations.
The kitchen is not burning.
Maybe next year I will ask my doctor for the Trump Special:
“Can you give me the test where I prove I know what a camel is?”
And if I pass, I want a press conference.
Not because I am brilliant.
Because apparently, at our age, remembering five words is now a campaign strategy.
